Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
