Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
