I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
