Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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