oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
