I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize