Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
