im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
