Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
