NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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