just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
