I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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