kristin has been a bad kristin
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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