spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
