Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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