Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
