I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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