I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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