Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
