It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
