My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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