Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
