My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
