32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
