She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize