I am puke
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
