Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
