I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
