we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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