she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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