Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She bit a glass in half.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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