Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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