Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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