its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
