So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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