just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i was born a porn star she said
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
