wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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