I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
