I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize