i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
