I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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