WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize