My cat gives me a boner
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
