How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
