Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
