are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
