it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Found your dick twin last night
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
