Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
