i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
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