Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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