I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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