WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
