brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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