Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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