I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
