Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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