Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
