You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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