I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
