I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
