Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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