Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
