remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
