this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
