Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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