The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
