I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
