This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
