sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
