nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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