are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
