Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
