Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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