Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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