he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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